Change is rarely about willpower
By Mark Quirk
Sometimes change is easy; perhaps you or someone you know changed or started a new habit and found it straightforward. But, it’s not the typical path. Even when we think we really want to make a change and can see how the change would benefit us in the future. Still, sometimes it just doesn’t stick the way we would like – and it can be frustrating!
Maybe you decide to eat differently, perhaps following the 16/8 fasting approach you’ve heard about, where you eat within an 8-hour window (and so not eat for 16 hours). You get specific, deciding, for example, that you won’t eat after 7.30pm or before 11.30am, great.
In the moment you decide, you’re healthy with nothing in your circumstances to suggest you shouldn’t try it (fasting is not for everyone!), and the evidence seems to suggest it’s worth trying this fasting approach, so it’s an easy decision.
On the first day, buoyed with enthusiasm, you follow the approach. The next day, Friday, you’re watching your favourite TV show at 9pm, the one where we usually have a glass of wine and some nibbles… and you’re faced with the reality of craving. Aghh, I really want that snack! And come on, it is Friday; you’ve had a hard week; give yourself a break! And so the craving wins. And that’s the end of this silly 16/8 fasting lark.
The challenge is not just establishing a new habit; it’s dealing with all the existing ones! We often put too much trust in our willpower which is rarely up to the job. To say this isn’t to suggest that any of us is weak. In our example, the combination of habit, emotion and biology are all rooting for the wrong side, and willpower is easily overwhelmed.
It’s all about strategies
Those with the best results know not to rely on willpower. What we need are strategies! Firstly, anticipate the craving (or remember it from the past), and decide what to do when it inevitably comes — when faced with it, what will you do?
The strategies don’t have to be complex or sophisticated. Here are a few examples we might try:
- Drink water – expanding the stomach can reduce hunger perception
- Clean your teeth – who wants to spoil that minty freshness
- Sit in a different seat – the trigger leading to craving may depend on several time and place elements coming together
- Remove the snacks – don’t buy them, hide them, lock them up, …
- Allow snacks once per week, e.g. only on Fridays
- Get support from family, friends, a coach, or community
- Watch a different TV show at 9pm
These examples may or may not work for you. The key is to use strategies that help you deal with the challenges you will face and don’t leave you at the whim of willpower.
Disrupting established patterns in our lives, even when we know they are unhelpful ones, can include a mix of physical and mental obstacles that make change messy, powerfully getting in the way of our desires. If you’re finding a change difficult in your life, then welcome to club human. Now, how will you manage it?